GDI science and spiritual warfare end times consultancy service

2020 to 2025

“LETS GET BACK TO NORMAL, YEY!” (Team motto)

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GDI Science and Spiritual Warfare End Times Consultancy Service

Hi Planet,

Well… it’s been a long 5.5 years, hasn’t it?
The experts went mental, the governments started quietly genociding people, everyone else started suffering and dividing into hostile camps, and we all descended into a global confusing hell‑mess.

And in all that time?
Nobody — except maybe ten people on Earth — could even figure out what a blood clot is.
Five years. Obvious stuff.
Unbelievable.

Anyway.
We are deeply sorry it took so long, but we are now pleased to announce that the Global Defence Initiative: Criminal Paranormal Investigations Unit has finally gathered enough solid scientific evidence to confirm what really happened.

And the culprit was of course…

…Satan.

Who would have guessed, right?
Well… half the conspiracy army and most of the religious crowd were screaming it from the rooftops for years — “they / satanic occult forces!” and so on — but they didn’t bring evidence, so they weren’t much help.
Meanwhile every other human was a self‑appointed expert pointing fingers in random directions while acting like a nutter.

Thankfully, we’re a science division.
We didn’t want to blame anyone prematurely.
Case now closed.

Planet Earth can now go back to normal on one simple condition:
Everyone starts telling the truth with evidence.
Anyone who doesn’t?
Well… shoot them, sp*tcon them, ghost them, ban them off the internet — whatever works.
Just don’t let them speak.
Because liars?
We don’t like liars. Do we?
No. Right then.

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The GDI crack squad can now, in theory, retire… or start a landscaping business.
However, we currently offer the following services and staff specialties:

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Our Specialist Staff

• Will Thomson, BSc Ecology, Master of Science (Engineering)

• Will Thomson, Data Quality Assurance Officer

• Will Thomson, Paranormal Investigative Reporter

• Will Thomson, Admiral of the Global Defence Initiative Digital Military Science Battlefleet Ship

• Will Thomson, Grand Master in Defence Against the Dark Art of Demonic Toxic Narcissist Gaslighting
  (and worse: smiling-virtue-signalling satanic manipulation and coercion)

• Will Thomson, Chiropractor/psychologist (how to cure dull cow eye syndrome, cognitive dissonance and suicidal pathological delusions with a cricket bat and some duct tape)

• Will Thomson, Commander of the T‑Cell Army — world‑leading T‑cell specialist

• Will Thomson, taxonomist (2 HR training sessions on how to identify the difference between people and horses, for leading medical practitioners . With free bonus 30 minutes on “how to stop murdering children for personal profit, so you won't burn in hell”)

• Will Thomson Medical health leader assessments (can determine if putting five “top” doctors +Kennedy with massive blind spots, in charge of anything bigger than a pet hamster, is a good idea, or a likely descent into further confusion and hell)

• Will Thomson, tutor (Can teach basic learning devices like. 1 How to ask questions. 2. How to learn facts. 3. How to repeat facts. 4. How to share good facts, not only bullshit. 5. How to stop judging people smarter than you, and actually learning what they said instead of being bitter then dying a lot)

• Will Thomson, Keeper of the Historical COVID Wars Archives
  (400+ articles, full video channel, and a flawless memory of what every main character from Dr Malone to Dr Yeadon said or did, good or bad)

• Will Thomson, Admiral of Avatars & The Retard Avengers
  (a deployable fleet of inspirational, reliable characters who don’t betray you like the so‑called “experts” did)

• Will Thomson, Comedian — providing brutally funny stand‑up accounts of what really happened

• Will Thomson, Archivist — offering full historical profiles of all key COVID‑war figures:
  Dr Sucharit Bhakdi, Dr John Campbell, Dr Robert Malone, Dr Angus Dalgleish, Prof Clancy, Dr Phil Macmillan, Dr Peter McCullough, Bret Weinstein, Marc Girardot, Dr Clare Craig, Dr Wormtongue Yeadon, Dr Judy “Mental Patient” Mikovits, Dr Vernon Coleman, Steven Martins, Dr Jane Ruby, Geert Vanden Bossche… and many more.

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All COVID mystery answers can be delivered in a two‑page document on request, with supporting evidence and references to fundamental science and other doctors making the same claims.

We also maintain a full list of 56 totally lunatic conspiracy claims that people made — because somebody needed to.

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We can also call bullshit on any false‑idol ivory tower evil moron, such as:
Todd Callender, the “Doctors for Medical Ethics” team, Dr Brian Ardis, Dr Yeadon, Prof Dolores Cahill… (and yes, we’ve got receipts).

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Practical science services include:

• Actual natural‑science answers for clinical efficacy on spike/systemic COVID or mRNA issues

• Guidance on IVM, basic nutrition, how sunlight actually works, how to not be fat, how to stop being scared of your environment

• Why “quantum torpedo magic augmented NAC” is a rip‑off

• And much more.

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Will Thomson, World’s Only Actual Expert on the Spike Protein.
Will Thomson, Consultant on How to Get All Doctors to Stop Hiding in Ivory Towers.
Will Thomson, Consultant on How to Tell the Truth and Spot Endless Liars.
Will Thomson, Landscape Gardening Services.
Will Thomson, Psychiatric Services for Ridding Yourself of Your Insufferable Obsession With Thinking You Know Best (when you clearly don’t).

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If none of these services match your planetary requirements, feel free to inquire for more.
We can also help you with not dying in a horrific end‑times apocalypse on a planet gone mental.

Regards,
Will Thomson.

Also featuring Gary the Jar of Peanut Butter, providing friendly support by:

• Not stabbing you in the back

• Not trying to control you like a toxic narcissist

Also available: Dog walking services.

📧 forestfinder@googlemail.com
💸 Rates vary between £20/hr (gardening) and £10billion/hr (Saving humanities soul)

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